Saturday, February 7, 2009

So, I've been thinking about my future a lot lately.
For a few reasons really:
#1) It's only about a year and a half until I graduate from college and have to really know where I want to go in my life.
#2) I've been discussing these things a lot with my closest friends and confidantes.
And #3) I'm in the most serious relationships of my life and realize that one day, whether it's with him or not, I will have to live a life that doesn't just affect me in in terms of my actions (I'll have to share the rent with someone other than Nathalie, I might have kids, you know, all those scary things that will inevitably occur down the road).

This morning I woke up at the ungodly hour of 5 and couldn't for the life of me figure out why I felt incredible anxiety pains, and I came to a few conclusions. The first of which is that I really shouldn't eat anything at 11 pm before I go to bed. But, more importantly, I think that I want to teach highschool. For a long time I really hated the idea of going the same route that my mom did, mostly because all of the art teachers I've known in my life have been a little off for one reason or another. They've been either crunchy granola ladies who when it boils down to it are just a little crazy, they've been pretentious art snobs, or they've been incredibly weak willed. But then I thought of my own mother. She's incredibly intelligent, cares desperately for the outcome of her students, has always loved what she does, and is a genuinely talented teacher, artist, mentor, and friend.

Because of my mother I have been teaching in a small capacity since I was about sixteen, and it I always got an amazing feeling from the times that I've done it. Granted, every morning I went into work I had a stomach ache worrying about how crazy the day would be and hoping I wouldn't swear in front of the kids or do something stupid like that, but in the end it was incredibly rewarding. There are kids that I've known since I was 16 who still, to this day, attach themselves to me in hugs. There are projects that I did when I was just a kid that all of my old students still want to do, or students that saw what I did and wish that they could have projects like that.

I feel more comfortable with my future now than I have in a long time.