Kicking Up The Dust

2010-11-22T09:36:00.000-08:00

I am currently trying to discover which of two popular sayings is true: Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Or is out of sight, out of mind?...

On Tuesday December 21st, I've come to the conclusion that its the former.

violent zombie dream #2

2010-11-17T05:29:00.000-08:00

From time to time I have very violent and vivid nightmares about what appear to be the end times. This is the second zombie one in the past couple of months.

Setting: My hometown, the house where I grew up. It appears my father has fortified the house by creating an underground bomb shelter sort of thing in the back yard. He has also built up the cinderblock fence to a point where its no longer easy to climb and has lined it with barbed wire. The gate, which was made of wood in my youth, is now made of metal and is geared up with weapons that look somewhat similar to retractable punji sticks.

The house has been mostly ransacked, and my family and I have just returned from a scavenging mission to get more food. We get back to the house to find it fairly destroyed, but our safe-house underground has been completely undisturbed.

So, in terms of the things that we have:
-Underground bomb-shelter/safe-house.
-Stockpile of canned and some perishable food
-lots of guns and knives
-the old house, though the only parts we still use are the living room, dining room, kitchen, family room, and wood shop. The bedrooms are walled off from the rest of the house by cinderblocks.
- 2 working vehicles.

Family jobs:
Dad - builds things, fortifies/maintains perimeter, makes clever weapons, drives the (to borrow a phrase) killdozer (what used to be his blazer).
Amado - steals technology for surveillance of the house, takes care of medical issues, makes clever weapons, fights, works as mechanic, does most of the scavenging because he's fast.
Mom - cooks, maintains equipment, makes body armor (mostly from leather, difficult to bite through), works as mechanic, drives the scavenge-mobile (what used to be her old honda minivan).
Me - builds things, fights, does a lot of scavenging, maintains supply inventory (food/ammo), cooks.

I stumbled into the dream during us trying to come back from a salvage/scavenge mission, which appeared to be fruitful but scary. We appear to have tried to originally go out on foot, but were attacked by a group of the dead. We attempted escape and found a station wagon, which somehow managed to get flipped over in the process of us returning home.

We camped out in the wilderness away from everyone in order to stay safer. The next day we finally get home to find the house even more destroyed than it had been. The windows have all been broken, the rooms mostly picked through, but due to walling off and sealing windows in the center of the house, the livingroom, diningroom, kitchen, family room, and woodshop remain untouched.

We all retreat into the underground after checking over the house and surveillance footage to make sure there are no unwanted guests. The family goes to sleep. I wake up in the wee hours of the morning and venture out to the destroyed part of the house. I go through the things in my room, most of it is destroyed, but I take a few sentimentally charged things to keep with me. As I am doing this the sun is rising outside, and I see the dead face of a girl outside the window. She only has one eye, and so seems to not been able to notice or see me. She passes by and I crawl out through my window.

She manages to cut me off as I try to get to the back yard, and she speaks to me. In this particular imagining zombies are still in possession of human consciousness and speech. I ask her why she's doing all of this, and she only replies that she no longer knows who she is, what she is doing, or why she is doing it. She only seems to know that it is what she needs to do. She lashes out at me, and I "brandish the hell" out of my machete. I warn her what will occur if she continues to attack me, and she tells me that if I proceed, her "friends" are nearby. I take this as meaning others of her kind, and decide to quickly dispatch of her so I can get to the shelter. As tends to be the case in most of my dreams of this nature, it takes a lot of effort to take her down, lots of chopping in order to finally remove her head.

When she is finally dispatched, I return to the house, greeted by Amado telling me how stupid I am for going outside at night. He also tells me that there's a group of people in the area, and the girl I just took down was their "pet." We check out surveillance and discover two people checking out the cars we have in front of the house (there's a jeep in working order, but we don't like to use it as its too easy to fall out or be pulled out). Amado and I speak with them, and the man looks a lot like AG's cousin D. D makes me an offer on the Jeep, but the offer is in cash. Amado laughs at him a bit, as money no longer really has any gravity in a post apocalyptic era. As Amado chuckles at the offer, the group of the zombie's "friends" emerge from the house across the street (used to be the Dillon residence). Amado and I retreat inside as they begin to shout at us.

The friends then begin trying to break down the door. I am holding the door shut with Amado, who orders me to lock all the locks, of which there appear to be about 30 (oh dad, you were always the king of overkill). I lock all of them, only to hear the friends on the other side sawing through the wood on the outside with a reciprocating saw. they begin to make it through the door, and lash out, cutting at my arm with it.

One girl finally makes it in (one of those fuzzy dream details... also fuzzy is where the other girls went, I can assume that Amado takes them on). I fight a pretty dirty fight with the girl, who attacks me with various small weapons such as a pocket knife, butterfly knife, nail file, and at one point even a very small fork. I manage to get all of these away from her and I pretty much just punch her in the face a lot. I finally get her down for the count with a blow to the jaw. I go to the yard, where dad is working on one of the cars, and I brag about the fight. Amado comes out to patch me up and tells me that mom (of course) is talking to the girls in an effort to come to a kind of peace treaty. We're to have a meeting discussing land boundries.

I enter the house to find the group of "friends" now all cleaned up, outfitted in mum's body armor and getting ready to have dinner with us. I shake hands with the girl that I kicked the shit out of and we begin to discuss the lay of the land. Dad makes it clear that we intend to stay separate and as far away from the action as possible. We will go in for supplies from surrounding stores from time to time, but apart from that we don't intend to contact others. Seeing as the "friends" are mostly nomadic to begin with, we offer to fix up one of the cars in the area to get them set for travel, and also offer them a safe haven when they are in the area.

The final memory I have is talking with the girl I fought and comparing our fight wounds. It's one of those things when you begin waking up in pieces and can still feel the injuries you've sustained in the dream.

Betrothed

2010-11-13T20:25:00.001-08:00

My best friend of 10 years is officially going to get hitched to his lovely girlfriend! I'm super happy for him and his lady. But, on a more selfish note, he asked me to be his "best dude." I of course, cried my little eyes out, because we've been close for so long and I love him like a brother.

Im already starting to diabolically plan their engagement party and his bachelor party. Aww yissss.

Congratulations Ricky and D-Ro!

Life

2010-11-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

I am going through an interesting time these days. I have a very odd lineup of jobs, each of which present new and interesting challenges and diverse social instances. Really, my jobs run the gamut of cultivating relationships with people from all different age groups and walks of life.

The teaching job (volunteer work with K-2) has me connecting to really young kids and getting to the point where I am so so looking forward to teaching. The Liquor store job really has me working with people my own age and much much older, around the same socio-economic background as I am, but I'm gaining much more knowledge about beer, wine, and fine cuisine from my manager C. and coworker J. The knitting and needle point store definitely gives me perspective from an older age group, and its been especially interesting working with the women. I feel a bit like I'm a surrogate daughter there, and they all mother me a bit, poking at me to eat when I seem like I'm tired, asking me about who I'm dating, all that good stuff.

And lastly but certainly not least is the set painting. I suppose its taught me the most about myself and about my limits. Post college me is slacking off more than I should be. Deadlines weren't really my strong point in college and now that I have this huge project left up to me in a more professional arena than the stuff I did for MIT, there has been a lot of pressure. A good friend of mine who is also working on the show has been vouching for me, both in terms of skill and responsibility, this entire time, and I know for a fact that I've disappointed him. It will all be done soon, though.

I'm glad that things have changed.

Regarding Jobs

2010-11-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

Life's finally picking up in terms of the growing up part. I had been giving myself a pretty big guilt trip about turning 23 and not having a job, and pretty much as soon as the day had passed, I started getting calls about working.
It's one of those things that my mom used to always remind me of (and I always hated to hear her say), that good things will happen when you least expect them.
On the bleh side of this I appear to have gotten sick again, but that's to be expected as right around this time I get either a cold or strep throat. Stupid body.

Anyhow, these days here's the lineup:
-Starting new position at Knitting store in Boston 11/5
-Painting for A.Y.L.I. to be finished on 11/6
-Starting new position at Wine store in Somerville 11/7
-Continuing After School K-2 in JP
-Making art and stuff.

twenty three.

2010-10-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

The nothing birthday is fast approaching. A birthday which earns me no novel privileges. However, these days its looking like I'll feel pretty happy to be alive.
I have a gallery show coming up, which has been so widely popular that there are two openings scheduled.
So far the gifts have been pretty freakin awesome. My friend JJ bought me an apron designed by the lovely Jeph Jaques from his comic "Questionable Content." Perhaps I will take a picture of it at some point. ANNND my lovely friend Dawn took me to see Me First and The Gimme Gimmes at the Paradise, which was an incredible show. I also got to chill with my best guys earlier this week, which was a gift unto itself. Not to mention that when the evening came to a close (12:30 or so), I somehow managed to make it back to Somerville around 1:30, though the T is supposed to make its last stop at 12:50.

Anyhow, here are some...
Memorable moments:
Tom: (sam aka "Sudspuss" enters the bar) "Woooaah, it just got all sudsy in here!"
...
Tom: "I'm thinkin' that its about time to bring back the mohawk. I just need someone to do it for me, because I know I'll fuck it up."
Me: "I'll do it!"
Matt: "Ennhh, I dunno. She takes off little too much."
John: "Was that a SCALPING joke?"

The Teenagebottlerockets: "Do people in Boston like pizza? (crowd cheers) RIGHT ON! This songs about BURRITOS!"
...
"DO YOU GUYS LIKE CHESS!"

Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Spike Slawson: "Boston, where there are SO many douchebags, but no clean vaginas!"
...
Joey Cape: (after fans keep throwing cigarettes at him) "Man, Boston really wants me to keep smoking."
Fat Mike: (cheers) "Here we go, Cancer, Here we go!"
Spike Slawson: "You know, rhythm is a cancer..."

2010-10-17T22:45:00.001-07:00

List of art things to create:
- Set for AYLI
- Comics (creepy songs and "dude, look how big this is getting")
- Pretty posters for musicals and plays (sexy additions to portfolio)
- Fake band posters (for fake bands or not, ie hot little hate junkie)
- flier buffer for Eolune and possibly some for Streight Angular
- knitted quilt
- more ceramics (call Janna?)
- paint my room

2010-10-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to cultivate the artist title of "Fury" because it was my grandfather's original last name. He was born to an Irish father and a Souix mother, so due to the times and people not really supporting interracial marriage or children, he was put up for adoption. He was given the name James Fury, which is just one of the most badass names ever.

Anyhow, now that I'm trying to embrace it in my artwork as my pseudonym, I look at it and worry that its either dumb or that it looks a little too much like "Furry"...

Clarification. I am not a furry. It's on the internet forever now, people.

2010-10-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

So life has been interesting since last I posted up here.
Its been 2 years, 3 different apartments, and 6 different roommates since my last post.
And now its real life. I finished my thesis in December, finished my portfolio in April, and graduated in May.
I went back to Arizona for a little bit to hang out with my parents and to set up my room for the arrival of my grandmother, who has now moved into what used to be my room.
Annnd then I came back to Boston and was subsequently invited to go to Europe with Matt. It was probably not the best idea in terms of fiscal responsibility, but in all honesty, its the happiest that I've been in a good while. It was 5 days in London, 2 days in Amsterdam, and 3 days in Berlin.

London, as I had predicted, was the area in which I felt the happiest and most comfortable, so much so that I hope to one day live out there. Amsterdam was beautiful once we got away from the more touristy areas of the place and there were lots of really nice people. Berlin was slightly unfriendly, and I suppose I wish that I had found out the artsy places sooner. We got ourselves lost on purpose and then finally felt oddly at home. All in all it was a good bonding experience for the two of us, the fact that we didn't kill each other was surprising after that much time alone.

More recently, I've been settling into a new living situation. The old place was shared with N.M. who I had lived with previously, her boyfriend T.P., an old friend L.M., and our resident fancy gentleman, J.P. All in all, it was a difficult time, socially it often worked out, but in terms of actual important roommate things (cleaning, paying bills, personal boundaries, etc), I think we ended up getting on each others' nerves. I hope to keep them all as friends, but it was certainly time for a change.
Now, I'm living with one of my best friends since middle school E.E., his girlfriend D.R., and another buddy M.D. I'm incredibly happy with how the apartment has been, its a beautiful place and bonding with M.D. has been pretty awesome. She's in grad school at the moment, so she's been somewhat scarce, but its odd. I miss her when shes gone, and we tend to get super excited when the other comes home. It's one of the nicest friendships I've developed.

In terms of my artwork, and work in general, things have gotten much better recently. I have a gallery opening coming up this week at Space 242, a volunteer teaching position in JP, and hopefully a new retail job.

All in all, life has been good these days. I hope it will stay that way.

2009-02-07T03:06:00.001-08:00

So, I've been thinking about my future a lot lately.
For a few reasons really:
#1) It's only about a year and a half until I graduate from college and have to really know where I want to go in my life.
#2) I've been discussing these things a lot with my closest friends and confidantes.
And #3) I'm in the most serious relationships of my life and realize that one day, whether it's with him or not, I will have to live a life that doesn't just affect me in in terms of my actions (I'll have to share the rent with someone other than Nathalie, I might have kids, you know, all those scary things that will inevitably occur down the road).

This morning I woke up at the ungodly hour of 5 and couldn't for the life of me figure out why I felt incredible anxiety pains, and I came to a few conclusions. The first of which is that I really shouldn't eat anything at 11 pm before I go to bed. But, more importantly, I think that I want to teach highschool. For a long time I really hated the idea of going the same route that my mom did, mostly because all of the art teachers I've known in my life have been a little off for one reason or another. They've been either crunchy granola ladies who when it boils down to it are just a little crazy, they've been pretentious art snobs, or they've been incredibly weak willed. But then I thought of my own mother. She's incredibly intelligent, cares desperately for the outcome of her students, has always loved what she does, and is a genuinely talented teacher, artist, mentor, and friend.

Because of my mother I have been teaching in a small capacity since I was about sixteen, and it I always got an amazing feeling from the times that I've done it. Granted, every morning I went into work I had a stomach ache worrying about how crazy the day would be and hoping I wouldn't swear in front of the kids or do something stupid like that, but in the end it was incredibly rewarding. There are kids that I've known since I was 16 who still, to this day, attach themselves to me in hugs. There are projects that I did when I was just a kid that all of my old students still want to do, or students that saw what I did and wish that they could have projects like that.

I feel more comfortable with my future now than I have in a long time.

Return

2008-07-10T23:54:00.001-07:00

Feeling a bit bummed out this week... which is causing a stagnation of my work and attitude. I don't quite know how to verbalize what's going on for me internally, I feel a bit stretched and torn.
The time which I spent back home seems to not have been enough for me. Whenever I return to that place, it feels less and less like the place that I used to live. It's all become alien and strange. My friends have all scattered to different locations in and outside of the country so now when I return I spend most of my time with only a few people outside of my family members. Even those who do decide to return have become different people. At times, it is a welcome change in personality, but for many of them, they are transitioning into young adults with entirely different motivations... I did not spend enough time with my mother and father, and that is my own fault but I feel sometimes that there is a wall that is built up while I'm away for the school year, and it takes weeks to tear it down when I return.
Another cause for this is also just feeling a little useless right now. The job that I was originally supposed to have upon my return to Boston has been put off until the end of the month, so I have virtually nothing to do for most of the day. Lately I have been preparing for my brother's arrival to Boston, getting my funds in order, and writing out the lesson plan that I hope to use next summer, but it just isn't enough to satisfy. I need purpose and structure to be able to function at my best, I suppose... and lately it's been to my detriment.
I was so eager to return to Boston, and I suppose I became overeager about many of the expectations that I had about my arrival. I shouldn't have built them up in the way that I did... It should have been just a natural progression. I should stop kicking myself for it.

SUMMER MOVIES?!

2008-04-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

With midterms and the beckoning of beautiful weather, there comes the beautiful anticipation of summer movies. This summer proves to be an intriguing one in terms of comic book movies, anticipated sequels, sci fi, and CGI.
Many friends of mine think that my excitement for a few of these ones is a bit unwarranted, especially in terms of the comic book movies and the sequels. A pox on them.

#1) Iron Man - May 2nd
Dir. John Favreau, Starring Robert Downey, Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, and SAM JACKSON.
Ok, Robert Downey, Jr. fits Tony Stark perfectly. Call it typecasting in terms of Downey's partier past, but I think that some method acting in terms of Stark could get some interesting results. I also get some good vibes from Favreau, though I'm pretty easily won over by the fact that he directed an episode of Undeclared in the long long ago.

#2) Speed Racer - May 9th
Dir. The Wachowski's, Starring Emile Hirsch and a pretty interesting cast.
I'm not as excited for this one as some of my friends are, but that would stem from the fact that I wasn't a particularly avid watcher of the cartoon during my childhood. BUT, I must say that I'm excited for another feature film by the Wachowski's. They rarely disappoint with their cinematography, and the creation of full focus camera work should be a really cool new effect for the film industry. The intense color saturation that is present in the previews also catches my eye as a fan of cartoons and that general aesthetic. It also just genuinely seems like its going to be a fun movie going experience.

#3) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - May 22nd
Dir. Steven Spielberg, Starring Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, and Shia LaBeouf.
I felt a little ill writing "Shia LaBeouf" just now... but that aside, I'm hoping that this one will be fun as well. The cynical side of me looks at the preview and says "If they make one more goddamned 'I'm getting too old for this' joke, I'm going to throw something."
On the good side of it though (my optimism often rules out, especially with series' that are so close to my heart), they've cast my favorite Jones girl, Karen Allen (Marion Ravenwood), who I felt had very good chemistry with Harrison, not to mention that her character could drink him under the table and go toe to toe with him in a battle of witticisms. Cate Blanchett looks like she's going to be a pretty great addition to this, especially because I just really dig her in dominating female roles (I probably shouldn't have said that). And lastly... it's Harrison Ford. The first crush I ever had during my childhood was on Han Solo: his cynicism, wit, devil-may-care attitude, and dashing good looks won me over even when I was 6 and more interested in eating dirt than in boys.
I have tons of friends that say that this movie has a huge chance of sucking, but to them I proclaim, "Never tell me the odds."

#4) The Incredible Hulk - June 13th
Dir. Louis Leterrier, Starring Edward Norton, Liv Taylor, Tim Roth, and William Hurt.
I'll keep this short and sweet: Ed Norton > Eric Bana, Liv Taylor > Jennifer Connely, Tim Roth > Nick Nolte, but William Hurt < Sam Elliot... but few men can claim to be greater than Sam Elliot.

#5) WALL-E - June 27th
Dir. Andrew Stanton
I'm a sucker for robots and Pixar. Need I say more?

#6) Hancock - July 2nd
Dir. Peter Berg, Starring Will Smith, Charlize Theron, and Jason Bateman.
It's pretty obvious to say that I love superhero movies, so this one just kinda turned me on when I saw the preview. I also really like the idea of superheroes being fallible. It gets a little boring to see heroes portrayed as such fundamentally good people, so I find it refreshing to see a superhero who seems to be a notorious fuck up.

#7) Hellboy II: The Golden Army - July 11
Dir. Guillermo del Toro, Starring Ron Perlman (EEEE!), Selma Blair, Doug Jones, and John Hurt.
Guillermo del Toro, Ron Perlman, demons, cool special effects makeup and one of my all-time favorite comic books? Count me in.

#8) Dark Knight - July 18th
Dir. Christopher Nolan, Starring Christian Bale, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Michael Caine... and ON AND ON WITH THE GREAT CASTING, GAH!
I'm not going to lie. I drooled, cried, yelled, and almost peed when I saw each preview for this. I should probably feel ashamed for those things, but I most certainly am not. Batman was always my favorite comic book character: his troubled past, his willpower, his passion, and his tormented soul just made him so much more interesting than any other comic character I've ever read. When the first Christopher Nolan directed Batman movie came out, I was a bit skeptical. After watching Tim Burton's versions (which were interesting in their darkness, but completely untrue to canon, not to mention that Michael Keaton wasn't the best Bruce), and then being RAPED by the Joel Schumacher ones, ("chill" "uncah alfred!" "holy rusted metal, batman!" and BATNIPPLES?!) I was on my gaurd. But then Christopher Nolan just... opened his arms, gave me a hug, and made me truly believe just how awesome Batman could be in film form. I love all of the casting choices that were made, (apart from Katie Holmes and her ever visible nipples) I enjoyed the costume, and though the new Batmobile just isn't the same, I still appreciated it. Christian Bale is an amazing actor as well. No one that has been cast in the past has been able to adequately play both Bruce and Batman (Val Kilmer did relatively well), but Bale portrays both in such an incredible manner. I'm dying for this to come out and wish that I could just hop into my Delorean, gun it to 88, and get to July 18th right now. *sigh* Patience. Patience is a virtue.

#9) X-Files sequel?! - July 25th
Dir. Chris Carter, Starring David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.
Wait... what?! I hope it's true. I hope it's not IMDb lying to me.

Anyway. Hope I didn't bore you 2 readers with my rant. Come see these movies with me this summer!

We're here to burn up the night

2008-04-12T11:33:00.001-07:00

Capen is a trooper. Up until 5 AM rehashing the past and drawing this.

Sjadajim!

2008-04-10T14:59:00.000-07:00

One of the usual responses KC gives me when I'm being "irrational."

written by Felisia Sainz and KC Lewis

art by Felisia Sainz

{eeeee, first comic!}

Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?

2008-04-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

Today was a truly wonderful day. You may ask "Why was your day so particularly wonderful, Felisia? We want to know of your entertaining life."
Actually you probably wouldn't ask that... but if you did, I would reply,
Reasons that my day was awesome
#1) I popped the Star Wars cherry of my best female friend, Tricia.
A couple of weeks ago she told me that she had never seen the original Star Wars Trilogy, which of course caused me to flip out a bit. Since then, I have been ranting and raving about it, making fun of the fact that she doesn't understand when someone says "IT'S A TRAP," doesn't get it when I make a Wookie noise, and just gets freaked out when I laugh like Salacious Crumb (yes, I have perfected it since childhood).
As we watched Episode IV today, I felt such a sense of satisfaction. I was sharing one of my greatest passions with one of my closest friends. When Luke made his "one in a million" shot into the exhaust port of the Death Star, I heard Tricia gasp and witnessed a smile cross her face. In that moment, I remembered fondly the experience of watching Star Wars for the first time with my parents. It was a wonderful feeling.

#2) Two words. Bizzy Bone.
There is an AMAZING little deli/convenience store in Roxbury called Wan's. If you ever have the good fortune of finding it, go in and ask Al to make you a Bizzy Bone sandwich. It is by far the best thing I've ever freaking tasted... damn now I want another one.

#3) Free ice cream day at JP Licks. I don't really need to say more than this.

#4) I have a good buffer of comics that I'm finally planning on scanning and then putting up here. I'm not really expecting anyone to look at them, but just the fact that they're out in the world makes me feel as though I've accomplished something, however small that something is.

There... now maybe my single reader will be sated.
Hoorah.

Felisia

star wars rage

2008-03-31T15:44:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered that my soon to be roommate has never seen the Star Wars Trilogy.

Felisia: "Oh man. I'm... gonna cry. I'm MAKING her watch all of them (the original Trilogy, not the newbs) this summer."
Adam: "By this summer, you mean... right now."
Felisia: "I dont have my collection in DVD form I have the VHS
BEFORE they made it fucking Hayden Christiansen at the end of episode VI."
Adam: "EE!"
Felisia: "Dammit. I can't explain it to Tricia without ruining everything. Because then I'd have to tell her that Vader is Luke's father and I don't want to rob her of that initial shock that all NORMAL people got to experience when we were practically toddlers... I can't comprehend how her parents never showed her the original trilogy. I'm demanding her phone, so I can ask her father WHYYY."
Adam: "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You should have done that when you found out... There are people who haven't seen The Trilogy. Some consider these people to be...un...natural."